Readleona's Blog

If I knew then what I know now… I would say you’re wrong, I’ve gone this way and things didn’t turn out how I wanted.

If I knew then what I know now, I would tell you straight off that you’re taking the wrong way and that you’re doomed to fail.

If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell you to learn from me and that if you were intelligent, YOU WOULD— no questions asked.

If I knew then what I know now, you’d have a happy life, but I can’t guarantee that.

If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell you that I love you, and I can’t bear to watch you make the same mistake.

If I knew then what I know now, I’d say, “How stupid you are not to learn from me. You saw what it brought me, and yet you chose to go your way.”

Or I’d tell you, “If you really love me and trust me, you’d listen. “

But I didn’t know then what I know now.

And what I know now doesn’t change the things I didn’t know then.

Lives, especially yours and mine, will be shattered, our hearts— their hearts, will be broken, we will cry a million tears, have countless sleepless nights.

We will have to face every failure because WHAT WE KNOW NOW WILL NEVER CHANGE WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW THEN.

Our hearts, THEIR hearts, will not hurt less because of the wisdom we gained.

That is the price of living. You know more because you hurt more— hurt yourself more, hurt more people, suffer more, feel more guilt.

I will not never tell you “if you’re smart, learn from my mistakes,” because I’ve had people tell me about THEIR mistakes but I did not learn, or even listen, because people are stubborn— what you knew then may not be the same now— “case-to-case–basis shit”.

I love you enough to let you make your own mistakes and be there for you when you realize you did.

No questions asked.  Honest.

THERE IS MORE GLORY IN ACCEPTING ONE’S MISTAKES THAN In ACKNOWLEDGING ONE’S SUCCESS.

I dare not persecute people for trying to live their lives their way. I am human, I’ve been there. YOU SHOULD BE THERE, TOO.

When life goes wrong, DEAL WITH IT.

When you shit yourself because of the “unfairness” of it all, THEN SHIT YOURSELF. YOU MADE THE DECISION. YOU DESERVE IT.

GOOD OR BAD, YOU DESERVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO.

Own it, so you can tell yourself, when you’re old and grey— THAT YOU DID IT YOUR WAY. The people who knew better, or CLAIMED they knew better, can not make you live longer, or make you suffer less pain, less guilt.

Cheesy, but worth it.

So when the day comes that you realize, “if I knew then what I know now…’

Cry. I wouldn’t mind a wet shirt.